Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in which two individuals engage in an activity together, most often intending to evaluate each other’s suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship.
Dating your boss is not the most astute thing to do unless you are a hopeless go-getter. Lots of people meet their partners at work, but then, dating someone at work is most times frowned upon.
There are companies with explicit policies against such. What if you want to explore a relationship within the office? Should what is right from a professional perspective override what is best for your personal life?
Psychology has shown there are good reasons coworkers fall for each other. People spend a tremendous amount of time at work having open and vulnerable conversations; there is a high possibility that there will be romantic relationships.
Research has shown that we tend to fall for people similar to ourselves. If you’ve become romantically interested in your colleague, there are a few things to note before proceeding.
Knowing the risks involved before you act upon your feelings is pertinent. There is the chance that such a relationship will not work out and there will be hurt feelings on one or both ends. These are potential conflicts of interest.
Psychologists reference the dual relationship principle, ‘an ironclad rule’ in psychotherapy that therapists cannot have relationships with their patients beyond a professional one. The same rule doesn’t apply to coworkers.
Let’s break down why dating your boss might seem appealing:
- The power dynamics: There is something magnetic and captivating about authority, which explains that humans are attracted to powerful individuals who exude some level of confidence and control.
- Transference: Imagine your boss giving a speech at the office, he has captured the attention of everyone, and this reminds you of a particular figure in your life, maybe a parent or mentor. That is transference at work, a concept from psychoanalysis. Your brain subconsciously reassigns the feelings you have for a potential figure to your boss. It is like you are dating your boss in your head though.
Pros of dating your boss:
- Mentorship: Learning from someone who has been around the environment for a long time is invaluable. It is similar to having a built-in system that guides you through the complexities of your job. While this can turn into a risky power dynamic territory, it also means that dating your boss can be your golden ticket to a ride of knowledge and growth in your career.
- Convenience: The beauty of dating someone within the same time zone, someone who is already a part of your daily routine. There will be no need to sync calendars or book flights out of your city to make it to dinner after work. Your work schedule aligns and both of you know when work deadlines get in the way of a date night. This makes dating your boss feel like the right thing to do.
- The Proximity Effect: When you spend eight hours a day, six days a week with someone, it’s quite hard not to feel a gravitational pull. Your boss being in the same environment scores high on that chart, which makes dating your boss seem like a more realistic option.
- Shared Goals: The mutual investment of identifying with the same social group, grinding over a shared project that takes off and celebrating together once it succeeds sounds catchy; this invariably brings us to social identity theory. Essentially, both of you identify with the same workplace, so, there is a collective feeling of pride and shared goals. All these can build the durability of a romantic relationship.
Let’s step on the brakes for a second and dig into the darker side of the moon, shall we?
Even with the purest intentions, dating the person who signs your paycheck comes with its own Pandora’s box of complications.
- Favouritism and perceptions: Let’s go to the drawing board for a moment, shall we? Picture this: You are sitting in a meeting, and your boss singles you out for appreciation on a project everyone pulled their weight on. Suddenly, the room turns colder than a winter’s day. This perception alone can create a toxic work environment. The last thing you want is for your colleagues to think that you are getting special treatment or for them to lose trust in your boss’s objectivity. It is like a silent but deadly fart in the office- no one says anything but everyone knows.
- The End: Cue attachment theory, which suggests that ending a relationship can feel like losing a secure base. Breakups are normal, but breaking up with your boss? This is next level emotional carnage. Now add in the madness of seeing your secure base in a team meeting or those quarterly reviews. Well, good luck finding solace in a chit-chat with coworkers who suspect.
One of the biggest concerns in dating your boss is the potential for power imbalance in the relationship. If you are romantically involved with someone who is also your boss, they may have more control over your work situation and your career. This could lead to feelings of pressure or anxiety, which can be detrimental to the relationship.
Another potential problem with dating your boss is the potential impact on your work performance. If things don’t work out, it can create an uncomfortable situation at work and affect your productivity. Even if the relationship is going well, it is still a potential distraction from your work.
Conclusion
A final consideration when dating your boss is how the relationship might affect your coworkers. Even if you are keeping the relationship strictly professional at work, others might perceive it differently. They may feel uncomfortable with the situation or even question your motivation.
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