First, let us understand what it means to be ‘stood up’ by a partner.
‘Stood up’ is a colloquial expression which refers to when a person does not show up for or arrive at a particular event.
When dating, it refers to when your partner does not show up for a scheduled date or meeting.
Being stood up is what all dates dread. Dating can be exhausting, and we agree that it can take a real chunk of mental energy to psych yourself up to be in the mood. You get dressed, looking like the refurbished version of a sultry vanilla cake, get to the venue and a complete disaster happens – they stand you up.
There, you have a buffet of rejection and humiliation served to you. It is certainly not nice. Nothing is worse than checking the time constantly and realising they might not appear.
We have all been here and experienced emotional lows from our partners. We have received hard knocks on our self-esteem but this is nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever the catalyst behind your partner’s repeated bad behaviour, it is clear that he or she isn’t that into you.
Few dating disasters are as humiliating as being stood up. If the person who blew you off also happens to be your steady boyfriend/girlfriend, you might run through a series of extreme emotions at lightning speed.
Between worrying that he/she is dead and vowing to kill him/her; you are in no emotional state to make any decisions. When your partner stands you up, what is the best thing to do?
This is one of the most common dating questions. Sadly, most of us have had to deal with this at some point. You are breathlessly waiting to see your partner and they never show up. No calls, no apologies – nothing.
Reasons Why Your Partner Stood You Up
1. Unintentional Oversight
First of all, there is no one-size-fits-all answer for why someone might stand up a date. Sometimes it’s unintentional (maybe they overslept or got the time mixed up), and sometimes it is because of nerves.
Dr John D. Moore, a licensed psychotherapist and cognitive behaviour specialist, also believes that people stand up their dates out of a need for validation.
“Some people invite others on dates impulsively in a misguided attempt to validate their feelings. For these people, meeting for the date isn’t as important as getting a ‘yes’ to the initial request”.
They might enjoy the adrenaline rush of asking someone out, but once that’s over, they have little interest in making real connections with someone.
2. Emergencies
Another reason for this behaviour from your partner might be because he or she had an emergency.
I know a million thoughts are running through your mind; why didn’t they call before then? Why didn’t they call afterwards? And a lot of questions. It is possible they were not logically thinking at the time.
3. Loss of Interest in the Relationship
One particularly painful reason could be that they have lost interest in the relationship and do not wish to pursue it any longer. It could be that your partner is losing interest and doesn’t know how to communicate with you.
When your partner no longer cares about what you say, doesn’t value your presence, and doesn’t seem to be invested in what is going on in your life; it can feel as though they are taking steps toward living a life without you.
It may be time to move on if you are not getting the attention you need and deserve.
4. Pressure from Studies, Work or Family
It could also be, very simply, that your partner is dealing with the pressure of having other things on their mind, such as an achingly difficult work project or personal/familial issues that sap them of the energy to deal with little else.
When a partner is heavily distracted by other commitments, tasks, stress and anxiety, they may find it too challenging to redirect their attention and they may even be so wrapped up that your needs do not register.
A little reminder that you are an equal part of the relationship and have needs too, could help redirect their focus. Also showing them that you are there for them and providing a listening ear can go a long way
5. He/She is Ashamed
Sometimes when your partner doesn’t show up, they may be ashamed of you. This is one of the most dreaded reasons your partner doesn’t show up even after consenting to the date.
If your partner does not show up on a date, it may mean there is something about you that he/she is ashamed of; maybe he thinks you are ugly or lacking in social etiquette.
This may not always be the case, so you should not jump to conclusions; talk to your partner about it.
Conclusion
As infuriating as it can be to have a date stand you up, always remember that you are worth someone’s full time and attention.
Being stood up has nothing to do with you; it has to do with the other person’s detachment style.
Don’t blame yourself and only give them another chance if you truly feel they are worth it.
Read here; love amidst finding a life partner.
