Alice's Adventures
in Wonderland
by Lewis Carroll
with fourty-two illustrations by John Tenniel
This book is in public domain.
No rigths reserved. Free for copy and distribution.
This PDF book is designed and published by PDFreeBooks.org
Contents
Poem. All in the golden afternoon 3
I Down the Rabbit-Hole 4
II The Pool of Tears 9
III A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale 14
IV The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill 19
V Advice from a Caterpillar 25
VI Pig and Pepper 32
VII A Mad Tea-Party 39
VIII The Queen's Croquet-Ground 46
IX The Mock Turtle's Story 53
X The Lobster Quadrille 59
XI Who Stole the Tarts? 65
XII Alice's Evidence 70
Poem
All in the golden afternoon
Full leisurely we glide;
For both our oars, with little skill,
By little arms are plied,
While little hands make vain pretence
Our wanderings to guide.
Ah, cruel Three! In such an hour,
Beneath such dreamy weather,
To beg a tale of breath too weak
To stir the tiniest feather!
Yet what can one poor voice avail
Against three tongues together?
Imperious Prima flashes forth
Her edict 'to begin it' -
In gentler tone Secunda hopes
'There will be nonsense in it!' -
While Tertia interrupts the tale
Not more than once a minute.
Anon, to sudden silence won,
In fancy they pursue
The dream-child moving through a land
Of wonders wild and new,
In friendly chat with bird or beast -
And half believe it true.
And ever, as the story drained
The wells of fancy dry,
And faintly strove that weary one
To put the subject by,
"The rest next time -" "It is next time!"
The happy voices cry.
Thus grew the tale of Wonderland:
Thus slowly, one by one,
Its quaint events were hammered out -
And now the tale is done,
And home we steer, a merry crew,
Beneath the setting sun.
Alice! a childish story take,
And with gentle hand
Lay it were Childhood's dreams are twined
In Memory's mystic band,
Like pilgrim's wither'd wreath of flowers
Pluck'd in a far-off land.
Chapter I
Down the Rabbit-Hole
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and
of having nothing to do; once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister
was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of
a book,' thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversation?'
So she was considering in her own mind
(as well as she could, for the hot day made
her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the
pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be
worth the trouble of getting up and picking
the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit
with pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so very remarkable
in that; nor did Alice think it so very much
out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to it-
self, 'Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!'
(when she thought it over afterwards, it oc-
curred to her that she ought to have won-
dered at this, but at the time it all seemed
quite natural); but when the Rabbit actu-
ally took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket
and looked at it and then hurried on, Alice
started to her feet, for it flashed across her
mind that she had never before seen a rabbit
with either a waistcoat-pocket or a watch to take out of it, and burning with cu-
riosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it
pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in
the world she was to get out again.
5
CHAPTER I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped
suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping
herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well.
Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of
time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen
next. First, she tried to look down and make out what she was coming to, but it was
too dark to see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that
they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps
and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she
passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment
it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so
managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.
'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing
of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't
say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very
likely true.)
Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end! T wonder how
many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. T must be getting somewhere
near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down,
I think - ' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in
the schoolroom, and though this was not a very good opportunity for showing off
her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say
it over) ' - yes, that's about the right distance - but then I wonder what Latitude or
Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was or Longitude either,
but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
Presently she began again. T wonder if I shall fall right through the earth!
How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads
downward! The Antipathies, I think - ' (she was rather glad there was no one
listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) ' - but I shall have to
ask them what the name of the country is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New
Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried to curtsey as she spoke - fancy curtseying
as you're falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) And what
an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to ask; perhaps
I shall see it written up somewhere.'
Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking
again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!' (Dinah was the
cat.) T hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear!
I wish you were down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but
you might catch a bat and that's very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat
bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get rather sleepy and went on saying
to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and
CHAPTER I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE
sometimes, 'Do bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question,
it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off and
had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah and saying
to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?' when
suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves
and the fall was over.
Alice was not a bit hurt and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment; she
looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another long passage, and
the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment
to be lost; away went Alice like the wind and was just in time to hear it say, as it
turned a corner, 'Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close
behind it when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen; she
found herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from
the roof.
There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when Alice
had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, she walked
sadly down the middle, wondering how she
was ever to get out again.
Suddenly she came upon a little three-
legged table, all made of solid glass; there
was nothing on it except a tiny golden key
and Alice's first thought was that it might
belong to one of the doors of the hall, but,
alas! either the locks were too large or the
key was too small, but at any rate it would
not open any of them. However, on the sec-
ond time round, she came upon a low cur-
tain she had not noticed before and behind
it was a little door about fifteen inches high;
she tried the little golden key in the lock and to her great delight it fitted!
Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much
larger than a rat-hole; she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveli-
est garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wan-
der about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she
could not even get her head through the doorway; 'and even if my head would go
through,' thought poor Alice, 'it would be of very little use without my shoulders.
Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know
how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.
CHAPTER I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE
There seemed to be no use in wait-
ing by the little door, so she went back
to the table, half hoping she might find
another key on it or at any rate a book
of rules for shutting people up like tele-
scopes; this time she found a little bot-
tle on it, ('which certainly was not here
before,' said Alice,) and round the neck
of the bottle was a paper label, with the
words 'Drink Me' beautifully printed
on it in large letters.
It was all very well to say 'Drink me,'
but the wise little Alice was not going to
do that in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she
said, 'and see whether it's marked "poi-
son" or not' ; for she had read several nice
little histories about children who had
got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts
and other unpleasant things, all because
they would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as,
that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that,
if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is almost certain to disagree
with you, sooner or later.
However, this bottle was not marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste it and
finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard,
pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee and hot buttered toast) she very soon finished it off.
'What a curious feeling!' said Alice, T must be shutting up like a telescope.'
And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high and her face bright-
ened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going through the little
door into that lovely garden. First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see
if she was going to shrink any further; she felt a little nervous about this; 'for
it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like
a candle. I wonder what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the
flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
ever having seen such a thing.
After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going into
the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the door, she found
she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it,
8
CHAPTER I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE
she found she could not possibly reach it; she could see it quite plainly through
the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was
too slippery; and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing
sat down and cried.
'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself, rather sharply,
'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally gave herself very good
advice, (though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself
so severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered trying to
box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing
against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people! Why,
there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!'
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table; she
opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words 'Eat Me' were
beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, 'and if it makes me
grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep under
the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!'
She ate a little bit and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which way?',
holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, and
she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size; to be sure, this
generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the way of
expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull
and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
Chapter II
The Pool of Tears
'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so
much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot
how to speak good English); 'now I'm opening out like
the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!'
(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to
be almost out of sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh,
my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your shoes
and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure / shan't
be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble
myself about you: you must manage the best way you
can; - but I must be kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or
perhaps they won't walk the way I want to go! Let me
see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'
And she went on planning to herself how she would
manage it. 'They must go by the carrier,' she thought,
'and how funny it'll seem, sending presents to one's
own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
Alice's Right Foot, Esq.
Hearthrug,
Near the Fender,
(with Alice's Love).
Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall;
in fact she was now more than nine feet high and she at
once took up the little golden key and hurried off to the
garden door.
10
CHAPTER II. THE POOL OF TEARS
Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to look
through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more hopeless than
ever; she sat down and began to cry again.
'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like you,' (she
might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!'
But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large
pool all round her, about four inches deen and reachinp half down the hall.
After a time she heard a little pat-
tering of feet in the distance and she
hastily dried her eyes to see what
was coming. It was the White Rab-
bit returning, splendidly dressed, with
a pair of white kid gloves in one hand
and a large fan in the other; he came
trotting along in a great hurry, mutter-
ing to himself as he came, 'Oh! the
Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't
she be savage if I've kept her wait-
ing!' Alice felt so desperate that she
was ready to ask help of any one; so,
when the Rabbit came near her, she
began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you
please, sir - ' The Rabbit started vi-
olently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the
darkness as hard as he could go.
Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she kept fanning
herself all the time she went on talking, 'Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-
day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed
in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost
think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next
question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle!' And she began
thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to see
if she could have been changed for any of them.
'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long ringlets, and
mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all
sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, she's she, and
I'm I, and - oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used
to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and
four times seven is - oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the
Multiplication Table doesn't signify; let's try Geography. London is the capital
of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome - no, that's all wrong, I'm
11
CHAPTER II. THE POOL OF TEARS
certain! I must have been changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the
little - " ' and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons and
began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did
not come the same as they used to do:
'How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spread his claws,
And welcome little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws! '
'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes filled
with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and I shall have to go
and live in that poky little house and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever
so many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll
stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their heads down and saying "Come
up again, dear!" I shall only look up and say, "Who am I then? Tell me that first,
and then, if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here till I'm
somebody else" - but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst of tears, T do
wish they would put their heads down! I am so very tired of being all alone here!'
As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see that
she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while she was talking.
'How can I have done that?' she thought, T must be growing small again.' She
got up and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that, as nearly
as she could guess, she was now about two feet high and was going on shrinking
rapidly; she soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and
she dropped it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
'That was a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the sudden
change, but very glad to find herself still in existence, 'and now for the garden!'
and she ran with all speed back to the little door; but, alas! the little door was
shut again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as before, 'and
things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as
this before, never! And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'
As she said these words her foot slipped and in another moment, splash! she
was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen into
the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had
been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that
wherever you go to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines
12
CHAPTER II. THE POOL OF TEARS
-^m*
in the sea, some children digging in
the sand with wooden spades, then
a row of lodging houses and behind
them a railway station.) However, she
soon made out that she was in the pool
of tears which she had wept when she
was nine feet high.
'I wish I hadn't cried so much!'
said Alice, as she swam about, trying
to find her way out, 'I shall be pun-
ished for it now, I suppose, by being
drowned in my own tears! That will
be a queer thing, to be sure! However,
everything is queer to-day.'
Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way off, and
she swam nearer to make out what it was; at first she thought it must be a walrus
or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small she was now, and she soon
made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.
'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse? Every-
thing is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very likely it can talk; at
any rate, there's no harm in try-
ing.' So she began, 'O Mouse,
do you know the way out of this
pool? I am very tired of swim-
ming about here, O Mouse!' (Al-
ice thought this must be the right
way of speaking to a mouse; she
had never done such a thing be-
fore, but she remembered having
^ ^fe^az=*3^ seen m j^j- brother's Latin Gram-
mar, A mouse - of a mouse - to a mouse - a mouse - O mouse!') The Mouse
looked at her rather inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little
eyes, but it said nothing.
'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice, T daresay it's a French
mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of
history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So
she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in her French
lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver
all over with fright. 'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she
had hurt the poor animal's feelings. T quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
13
CHAPTER II. THE POOL OF TEARS
'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice, 'Would you like
cats if you were me?'
'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone, 'don't be angry about it.
And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd take a fancy to cats
if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to
herself, as she swam lazily about in the pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the
fire, licking her paws and washing her face - and she is such a nice soft thing to
nurse - and she's such a capital one for catching mice - oh, I beg your pardon!'
cried Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over and she felt certain
it must be really offended, 'We won't talk about her any more if you'd rather not.'
'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his tail,
As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always hated cats: nasty, low,
vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'
'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of con-
versation, Are you - are you fond - of - of dogs?' The Mouse did not answer,
so Alice went on eagerly, 'There is such a nice little dog near our house I should
like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly
brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them and it'll sit up and beg for
its dinner, and all sorts of things - 1 can't remember half of them - and it belongs
to a farmer, you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He
says it kills all the rats and - oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful tone, 'I'm afraid
I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it
could go, and making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we won't
talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the Mouse heard this,
it turned round and swam slowly back to her; its face was quite pale (with passion,
Alice thought) and it said in a low trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and
then I'll tell you my history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the birds
and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an
Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party
swam to the shore.
Chapter III
A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank - the birds
with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all
dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
The first question of course was, how to get dry again; they had a consultation
about this and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself
talking familiarly with them, as if she
had known them all her life. Indeed,
she had quite a long argument with
the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and
would only say, T am older than you
and must know better'; and this Al-
ice would not allow without knowing
how old it was and, as the Lory posi-
tively refused to tell its age, there was
no more to be said.
At last the Mouse, who seemed to
be a person of authority among them,
called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and
listen to me! I'll soon make you dry
enough!' They all sat down at once,
in a large ring, with the Mouse in the
middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch
a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This is the
driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William the Conqueror,
whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the English,
who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and
conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria - " '
15
CHAPTER III. A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE
'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely, 'Did you
speak?'
'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
'I thought you did,' said the Mouse, ' - I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar, the
earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him; and even Stigand, the patriotic
archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable - " '
'Found whatT said the Duck.
'Found it,' the Mouse replied rather crossly, 'of course you know what "it"
means.'
'I know what "it" means well enough when I find a thing,' said the Duck, 'it's
generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?'
The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, ' " - found it
advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown.
William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his Normans - "
How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.
'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone, 'it doesn't seem to dry me
at all.'
'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, T move that the meet-
ing adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies - '
'Speak English! ' said the Eaglet, T don't know the meaning of half those long
words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And the Eaglet bent down
its head to hide a smile; some of the other birds tittered audibly.
'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that the
best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
16
CHAPTER III. A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE
'What is a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know, but
the Dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one
else seemed inclined to say anything.
'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as you
might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo
managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle ('the exact shape doesn't
matter,' it said), and then all the party were placed along the course, here and
there. There was no 'One, two, three, and away,' but they began running when
they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the
race was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were
quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all
crowded round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?'
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and
it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in
which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited
in silence. At last the Dodo said, 'everybody has won, and all must have prizes.'
'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
'Why, she, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger; and
the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, 'Prizes!
Prizes!'
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket,
and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not got into it), and
handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece all round.
'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely, 'What else have you got in your
pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly pre-
sented the thimble, saying, 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble'; and,
when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that
she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply
bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
The next thing was to eat the comfits; this caused some noise and confusion,
as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs and the small ones
choked and had to be patted on the back. However, it was over at last and they sat
down again in a ring and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why it is you
hate - C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.
17
CHAPTER III. A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE
'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice and sighing.
'It is a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at the
Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling about it while
the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something like this:
'Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the house,
"Let us both go to law: I will prosecute you. - Come, I'll take no denial; We must have a trial: For really this morning I've nothing to do." Said the mouse to the cur, "Such a trial, dear Sir, With no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath." "I'll be judge, I'll be jury," Said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole
CiUISC.
and
condemn
you
:>
denth." '
'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely, 'What are you
thinking of?'
'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly, 'you had got to the fifth bend,
I think?'
'I had notV cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking anx-
iously about her, 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking away,
'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
18
CHAPTER III. A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE
'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended, you
know!'
The Mouse only growled in reply.
'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it, and the others
all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook its head impa-
tiently, and walked a little quicker.
'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory as soon as it was quite out of
sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter, Ah, my
dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper!' - 'Hold your tongue,
Ma!' said the young Crab, a little snappishly, 'You're enough to try the patience
of an oyster!'
'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing
nobody in particular, 'She'd soon fetch it back!'
And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet, 'Dinah's
our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you can't think! And oh,
I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as
look at it!'
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
birds hurried off at once; one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully,
remarking, T really must be getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!'
and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children, 'Come away, my
dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts they all moved off,
and Alice was soon left alone.
T wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy tone,
'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best cat in the world!
Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor
Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little
while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance and
she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was
coming back to finish his story.
Chapter IV
The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking anxiously about
as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard it muttering to itself, 'The
Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll
get me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where can I have dropped them,
I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair
of white kid gloves, and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them,
but they were nowhere to be seen - everything seemed to have changed since her
swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door, had
vanished completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and called out
to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? Run
home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And
Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed
to, without trying to explain the mistake it had made.
'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How surprised
he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him his fan and gloves -
that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on
the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name 'W. Rabbit' engraved
upon it. She went in without knocking and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she
should meet the real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had
found the fan and gloves.
'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for a rabbit!
I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she began fancying the
sort of thing that would happen: ' "Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready
for your walk!" - "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse
doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in
the house if it began ordering people about like that!'
20
CHAPTER IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in the
window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid
gloves; she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave
the room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-glass.
There was no label this time with the words 'Drink Me,' but nevertheless she
uncorked it and put it to her lips. T know something interesting is sure to happen,'
she said to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this
bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really I'm quite tired of
being such a tiny little thing!'
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected; before she had drunk
half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling and had to stoop
to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to
herself 'That's quite enough - I hope I shan't grow any more - As it is, I can't get
out at the door - I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much!'
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing and growing and very
soon had to kneel down on the floor; in another minute there was not even room
for this and she tried the effect of
lying down with one elbow against
the door, and the other arm curled
round her head. Still she went on
growing, and, as a last resource,
she put one arm out of the win-
dow, and one foot up the chimney,
and said to herself 'Now I can do
no more, whatever happens. What
will become of me?'
Luckily for Alice, the little
magic bottle had now had its full effect, and she grew no larger; still it was very
uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting
out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't al-
ways growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits.
I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole - and yet - and yet - it's rather
curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have happened to me!
When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and
now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a book written about me,
that there ought! And when I grow up, I'll write one - but I'm grown up now,' she
added in a sorrowful tone, 'at least there's no room to grow up any more here'
'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll
be a comfort, one way - never to be an old woman - but then - always to have
lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like thatV
21
CHAPTER IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL
'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself, 'How can you learn lessons in
here? Why, there's hardly room for you, and no room at all for any lesson-books!'
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making quite
a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside
and stopped to listen.
'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice, 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit
coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting
that she was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit and had no reason
to be afraid of it.
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door and tried to open it; but, as the door
opened inwards and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it, that attempt proved
a failure. Alice heard it say to itself, 'Then I'll go round and get in at the window.'
'That you won't' thought Alice
and, after waiting till she fancied she
heard the Rabbit just under the win-
dow, she suddenly spread out her
hand, and made a snatch in the air.
She did not get hold of anything, but
she heard a little shriek and a fall and
a crash of broken glass, from which
she concluded that it was just possible
it had fallen into a cucumber-frame or
something of the sort.
Next came an angry voice - the
Rabbit's - 'Pat! Pat! Where are you?'
And then a voice she had never heard
before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging
for apples, yer honour!'
'Digging for apples, indeed!' said
the Rabbit angrily, 'Here! Come and
help me out of thisV (Sounds of more
broken glass.)
'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.')
An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
window ! '
'Sure, it does, yer honour; but it's an arm for all that.'
'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate; go and take it away!'
There was a long silence after this and Alice could only hear whispers now and
then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at all!' - 'Do as I tell you,
22
CHAPTER IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL
you coward!' and at last she spread out her hand again and made another snatch
in the air. This time there were two little shrieks and more sounds of broken glass.
'What a number of cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice, T wonder
what they'll do next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they
couldl I'm sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'
She waited for some time without hearing anything more; at last came a rum-
bling of little cartwheels and the sound of a good many voices all talking together;
she made out the words: 'Where's the other ladder? - Why, I hadn't to bring but
one; Bill's got the other - Bill! fetch it here, lad! - Here, put 'em up at this corner -
No, tie 'em together first - they don't reach half high enough yet - Oh! they'll do
well enough; don't be particular - Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope - Will the
roof bear? - Mind that loose slate - Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' (a loud
crash) 'Now, who did that? - It was Bill, I fancy - Who's to go down the chim-
ney? - Nay, I shan't! you do it! - That I won't, then! - Bill's to go down - Here,
Bill! the master says you're to go down the chimney!'
'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has
he?' said Alice to herself, 'Shy, they seem to put every-
thing upon Bill! I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good
deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but I think I can
kick a little!'
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she
could and waited till she heard a little animal (she
couldn't guess of what sort it was) scratching and
scrambling about in the chimney close above her; then,
saying to herself, 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick
and waited to see what would happen next.
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of
'There goes Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along -
'Catch him, you by the hedge!'; then silence, and then
another confusion of voices - 'Hold up his head - Bran-
dy now - Don't choke him - How was it, old fellow?
What happened to you? Tell us all about it!'
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's
Bill,' thought Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know - No more,
thank ye; I'm better now - but I'm a deal too flustered
to tell you - all I know is, something comes at me like
a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called out
as loud as she could, 'If you do I'll set Dinah at you!'
23
CHAPTER IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL
There was a dead silence instantly and Alice thought to herself, T wonder
what they will do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the roof off.' After
a minute or two they began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say,
A barrowful will do, to begin with.'
A barrowful of whatT thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt, for the
next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window and some
of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself and shouted
out, 'You'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead silence.
Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little
cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her head. 'If I eat one
of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make some change in my size; and as it
can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I suppose.'
So she swallowed one of the cakes and was delighted to find that she began
shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through the door, she
ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting
outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two
guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle. They all made a rush
at Alice the moment she appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon
found herself safe in a thick wood.
'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered about in
the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second thing is to find my
way into that lovely garden. I think that will be the best plan.'
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arranged;
the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it; and
while she was peering about anx-
iously among the trees, a little sharp
bark just over her head made her look
up in a great hurry.
An enormous puppy was looking
down at her with large round eyes,
and feebly stretching out one paw, try-
ing to touch her. 'Poor little thing!'
said Alice in a coaxing tone and she
tried hard to whistle to it; but she was
terribly frightened all the time at the
thought that it might be hungry, in
which case it would be very likely to
eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.
Hardly knowing what she did she
picked up a little bit of stick and held
it out to the puppy; whereupon the
24
CHAPTER IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL
puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once with a yelp of delight, and rushed
at the stick and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the other
side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in
its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very like having a game
of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every moment to be trampled under its
feet, ran round the thistle again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at
the stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long way back and
barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with
its tongue hanging out of its mouth and its great eyes half shut.
This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she set off
at once and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath and till the puppy's bark
sounded quite faint in the distance.
And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant against
a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the leaves, T should
have liked teaching it tricks very much, if - if I'd only been the right size to do it!
Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let me see - how
is it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the
great question is, what?'
The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at the
flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that looked like the
right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances. There was a large mushroom
growing near her, about the same height as herself; and when she had looked
under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her that she might as
well look and see what was on the top of it.
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the mushroom,
and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar, that was sitting on the
top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the small-
est notice of her or of anything else.
Chapter V
Advice from a Caterpillar
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence; at last
the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and addressed her in a languid,
sleepy voice.
'Who are youT said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging
opening for a conversation. Alice
replied, rather shyly, 'I - I hardly
know, sir, just at present - at least
I know who I was when I got up this
morning, but I think I must have been
changed several times since then.'
'What do you mean by that?' said
the Caterpillar sternly, 'Explain your-
self!'
T can't explain myself, I'm afraid,
sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not my-
self, you see.'
T don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
'I'm afraid I can't put it more
clearly,' Alice replied very politely,
'for I can't understand it myself to be-
gin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice, 'but when you have
to turn into a chrysalis - you will some day, you know - and then after that into
a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?'
'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice, 'all I know is, it
26
CHAPTER V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR
would feel very queer to me.'
'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously, 'Who are youT
Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation. Alice
felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such very short remarks and she
drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think, you ought to tell me who you are,
first.'
'Why?' said the Caterpillar.
Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any good
reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she
turned away.
'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her, 'I've something important to
say!'
This sounded promising, certainly; Alice turned and came back again.
'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could.
'No,' said the Caterpillar.
Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and per-
haps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some minutes it puffed
away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its
mouth again and said, 'So you think you're changed, do you?'
'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice, T can't remember things as I used - and
I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
'Can't remember what things?' said the Caterpillar.
'Well, I've tried to say "How Doth The Little Busy Bee," but it all came
different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
'Repeat "You Are Old, Father William," ' said the Caterpillar.
Alice folded her hands, and began:
'You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
'And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head -
Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
27
CHAPTER V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR
'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
'I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again. '
'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door -
Pray, what is the reason of that?'
'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
'I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box -
Allow me to sell you a couple?'
'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -
Pray how did you manage to do it?'
'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.'
28
CHAPTER V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR
'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -
What made you so awfully clever?'
Thave answered three questions, and that is enough,'
Said his father; 'don 't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
'Not quite right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly, 'some of the words have got
altered.'
'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and there
was silence for some minutes.
The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
'What size do you want to be?' it asked.
'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied, 'only one doesn't like
changing so often, you know.'
T don 't know,' said the Caterpillar.
Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life before
and she felt that she was losing her temper.
Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
'Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,' said Alice,
'three inches is such a wretched height to be.'
'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself
upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought
of herself, T wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!'
'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into
its mouth and began smoking again.
29
CHAPTER V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In a minute or
two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice
and shook itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the
grass, merely remarking as it went, 'One side will make you grow taller and the
other side will make you grow shorter.'
'One side of what! The other side of whatT thought Alice to herself.
'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it aloud; and
in another moment it was out of sight.
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying to
make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly round, she found
this a very difficult question. However, at last she stretched her arms round it as
far as they would go and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
And now which is which?' she said to herself and nibbled a little of the right-
hand bit to try the effect; the next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her
chin: it had struck her foot!
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt that
there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she set to work at
once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot,
that there was hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last and managed
to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.
'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of delight, which changed
into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders were nowhere
to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was an immense length
of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay far
below her.
'What can all that green stuff be?' said Alice, 'and where have my shoulders
got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?' She was moving them
about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among
the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she
tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her neck
would bend about easily in any direction like a serpent. She had just succeeded
in curving it down into a graceful zigzag and was going to dive in among the
leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which
she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry:
a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating her violently with its
wings.
'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
'I'm not a serpent!' said Alice indignantly, 'let me alone!'
30
CHAPTER V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR
'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone, and
added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every way, and nothing seems to suit them!'
'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said Alice.
'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried hedges,' the
Pigeon went on, without attending to her, 'but those serpents! There's no pleasing
them!'
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in saying
anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the Pigeon, 'but I must
be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep
these three weeks!'
'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was beginning to see
its meaning.
And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the Pigeon,
raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as I was thinking I should be free of them at
last, they must needs come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
'But I'm not a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice, 'I'm a - I'm a - '
'Well! What are you?' said the Pigeon, 'I can see you're trying to invent
something!'
T - I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered the
number of changes she had gone through that day.
A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt,
'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never one with such a neck as
that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be
telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'
T have tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very truthful child, 'but
little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know.'
T don't believe it,' said the Pigeon, 'but if they do, why then they're a kind of
serpent, that's all I can say.'
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a minute or
two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 'You're looking for eggs,
I know that well enough; and what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl
or a serpent?'
'It matters a good deal to me,' said Alice hastily, 'but I'm not looking for eggs,
as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want yours: I don't like them raw.'
'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again
into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as she could, for her
neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then she had
to stop and untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the pieces
of mushroom in her hands and she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one
31
CHAPTER V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR
and then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter until
she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size that it felt quite
strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes and began talking to herself,
as usual, 'Come, there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes
are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another! However,
I've got back to my right size; the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden -
how is that to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an
open place with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever lives there,'
thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them this size; why, I should frighten
them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again and
did not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to nine
inches high.
Chapter VI
Pig and Pepper
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what to do
next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the wood - (she
considered him to be a footman because he was in livery; otherwise, judging by
his face only, she would have called
him a fish) - and rapped loudly at
the door with his knuckles. It was
opened by another footman in livery,
with a round face and large eyes like
a frog; and both footmen, Alice no-
ticed, had powdered hair that curled
all over their heads. She felt very curi-
ous to know what it was all about and
crept a little way out of the wood to
listen.
The Fish-Footman began by pro-
ducing from under his arm a great let-
ter, nearly as large as himself, and this
he handed over to the other, saying, in
a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An
invitation from the Queen to play cro-
quet.' The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the
order of the words a little, 'From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play
croquet.'
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood for fear of
their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the Fish-Footman was gone, and
the other was sitting on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to the door and knocked.
33
CHAPTER VI. PIG AND PEPPER
'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and that for two rea-
sons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because
they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And cer-
tainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within - a constant howling
and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been
broken to pieces.
'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'
'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went on without
attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside,
you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.' He was looking up into the
sky all the time he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 'But
perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself, 'his eyes are so very nearly at the top
of his head. But at any rate he might answer questions. - How am I to get in?' she
repeated, aloud.
T shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till tomorrow - '
At this moment the door of the house opened and a large plate came skimming
out, straight at the Footman's head; it just grazed his nose and broke to pieces
against one of the trees behind him.
' - or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly as if
nothing had happened.
'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
'Are you to get in at all?' said the Footman, 'That's the first question, you
know.'
It was, no doubt; only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's really dreadful,'
she muttered to herself, 'the way all the creatures argue. It's enough to drive one
crazy!'
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his remark,
with variations. T shall sit here,' he said, 'on and off, for days and days.'
'But what am I to do?' said Alice.
Anything you like,' said the Footman and began whistling.
'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately, 'he's perfectly
idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end
to the other; the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing
a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed
to be full of soup.
'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to herself, as well
as she could for sneezing.
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess sneezed oc-
casionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately without
34
CHAPTER VI. PIG AND PEPPER
a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the
cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
'Please would you tell me,' said
Alice, a little timidly, for she was not
quite sure whether it was good man-
ners for her to speak first, 'why your
cat grins like that?'
'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the
Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
She said the last word with such
sudden violence that Alice quite
jumped; but she saw in another mo-
ment that it was addressed to the baby,
and not to her, so she took courage,
and went on again:
T didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know that
cats could grin.'
'They all can,' said the Duchess, 'and most of 'em do.'
T don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite pleased to
have got into a conversation.
'You don't know much,' said the Duchess, 'and that's a fact.'
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark and thought it would be as
well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she was trying to fix
on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work
throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby - the fire-irons
came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, plates and dishes. The Duchess
took no notice of them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much
already, that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
'Oh, please mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up and down in an
agony of terror, 'Oh, there goes his precious nose,' as an unusually large saucepan
flew close by it and very nearly carried it off.
'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse growl,
'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
'Which would not be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very glad to get an
opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge, 'Just think of what work it
would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to
turn round on its axis - '
'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take the hint;
but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she
went on again, 'Twenty-four hours, I think; or is it twelve? I - '
35
CHAPTER VI. PIG AND PEPPER
'Oh, don't bother me,' said the Duchess, 'I never could abide figures!' And
with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she
did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line:
'Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes;
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.'
Chorus
(in which the cook and the baby joined)
'Wow! wow! wow!'
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing the
baby violently up and down and the poor little thing howled so, that Alice could
hardly hear the words:
'I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!'
Chorus
'Wow! wow! wow!'
'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said to Alice, flinging
the baby at her as she spoke, 'I must go and get ready to play croquet with the
Queen,' and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as
she went out, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer- shaped little
creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, 'just like a star-fish,'
thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she
caught it and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, so that
altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to twist
it up into a sort of knot and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so
as to prevent its undoing itself) she carried it out into the open air. 'If I don't take
this child away with me,' thought Alice, 'they're sure to kill it in a day or two;
wouldn't it be murder to leave it behind?' She said the last words out loud and the
little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). 'Don't grunt,'
said Alice, 'that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.'
The baby grunted again and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to see
what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had a very turn-up
nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely
36
CHAPTER VI. PIG AND PEPPER
small for a baby; altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at all. 'But
perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought and looked into its eyes again to see if
there were any tears.
No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,' said
Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!' The poor
little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they
went on for some while in silence.
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I to do with this
creature when I get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently, that she looked
down into its face in some alarm. This time there could be no mistake about it: it
was neither more nor less than a pig,
and she felt that it would be quite ab-
surd for her to carry it further.
So she set the little creature down,
and felt quite relieved to see it trot
away quietly into the wood. 'If it
had grown up,' she said to herself, 'it
would have made a dreadfully ugly
child; but it makes rather a hand-
some pig, I think.' And she began
thinking over other children she knew,
who might do very well as pigs, and
was just saying to herself, 'if one
only knew the right way to change
them - ' when she was a little startled
by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on
a bough of a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when it saw
Alice. It looked good-natured, she
thought; still it had very long claws
and a great many teeth, so she felt that
it ought to be treated with respect.
'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether
it would like the name; however, it only grinned a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased
so far,' thought Alice, and she went on, 'would you tell me, please, which way
I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
T don't much care where - ' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
' - so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.'
37
CHAPTER VI. PIG AND PEPPER
Alice felt that this could not be
denied, so she tried another question,
'What sort of people live about here?'
'In that direction,' the Cat said,
waving its right paw round, 'lives
a Hatter; and in that direction,' wav-
ing the other paw, 'lives a March
Hare. Visit either you like: they're
both mad.'
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice re-
marked.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat, 'we're all mad
here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come
here.'
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went
on, And how do you know that you're mad?'
'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You
grant that?'
T suppose so,' said Alice.
'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags
its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when
I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
T call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
'Call it what you like,' said the Cat, 'Do you play croquet with the Queen
to-day?'
T should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited yet.'
'You'll see me there,' said the Cat and vanished.
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer things
happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly
appeared again.
'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat, 'I'd nearly forgotten to
ask.'
'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back in a natural
way.
T thought it would,' said the Cat and vanished again.
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear, and
after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the March Hare was
said to live. 'I've seen hatters before,' she said to herself, 'the March Hare will be
much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad - at
38
CHAPTER VI. PIG AND PEPPER
least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said this, she looked up, and there
was the Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
'Did you say pig or fig?' said the Cat.
'I said pig,' replied Alice, 'and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
All right,' said the Cat; and this
time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and
ending with the grin which remained
some time after the rest of it had gone.
'Well! I've often seen a cat with-
out a grin,' thought Alice, 'but a grin
without a cat! It's the most curious
thing I ever saw in my life!'
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the
March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the chimneys were
shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that
she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit
of mushroom and raised herself to about two feet high; even then she walked up
towards it rather timidly, saying to herself 'Suppose it should be raving mad after
all! I almost wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!'
Chapter VII
A Mad Tea-Party
There was a table set out under a tree
in front of the house, and the March
Hare and the Hatter were having tea
at it; a Dormouse was sitting between
them, fast asleep, and the other two
were using it as a cushion, resting
their elbows on it, and talking over
its head. 'Very uncomfortable for the
Dormouse,' thought Alice, 'only, as
it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'
The table was a large one, but the
three were all crowded together at one
corner of it; 'No room! No room!'
they cried out when they saw Alice coming. 'There's plenty of room!' said Alice
indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. T don't
see any wine,' she remarked.
'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily.
'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said the March
Hare.
T didn't know it was your table,' said Alice, 'it's laid for a great many more
than three.'
'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for
some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some sever-
ity, 'it's very rude.'
40
CHAPTER VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was,
'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've begun
asking riddles. - I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.
'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the March
Hare.
'Exactly so,' said Alice.
'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
T do,' Alice hastily replied, 'at least - at least I mean what I say - that's the
same thing, you know.'
'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter, 'You might just as well say that
"I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'
'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like what I get" is
the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking
in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when
I breathe"!'
'It is the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the conversation
dropped and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she
could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month is it?' he
said, turning to Alice; he had taken his watch out of his pocket and was looking at
it uneasily, shaking it every now and then and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'
'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. T told you butter wouldn't suit the
works!' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
'It was the best butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter grumbled, 'you
shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily; then he dipped it
into his cup of tea, and looked at it again; but he could think of nothing better to
say than his first remark, 'It was the best butter, you know.'
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a funny
watch!' she remarked, 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock
it is!'
'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter, 'Does your watch tell you what year
it is?'
'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily, 'but that's because it stays the same
year for such a long time together.'
'Which is just the case with mine,' said the Hatter.
41
CHAPTER VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of
meaning in it and yet it was certainly English. T don't quite understand you,' she
said, as politely as she could.
'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea
upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes,
'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'
'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
'No, I give it up,' Alice replied, 'what's the answer?'
T haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
'Nor I,' said the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily. T think you might do something better with the time,'
she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk about
wasting it. It's him'
T don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously,
T dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied, 'but I know I have to beat time when
I learn music'
Ah! that accounts for it,' said
the Hatter, 'He won't stand beating.
Now, if you only kept on good terms
with him, he'd do almost anything
you liked with the clock. For instance,
suppose it were nine o'clock in the
morning, just time to begin lessons;
you'd only have to whisper a hint to
Time, and round goes the clock in
a twinkling! Half-past one, time for
dinner!'
(T only wish it was,' the March
Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
'That would be grand, certainly,'
said Alice thoughtfully, 'but then -
I shouldn't be hungry for it, you
know.'
'Not at first, perhaps,' said the
Hatter, 'but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.'
'Is that the way you manage?' Alice asked.
42
CHAPTER VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied, 'We quarrelled last
March - just before he went mad, you know - ' (pointing with his tea spoon at
the March Hare,) ' - it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and
I had to sing
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you 're at!"
You know the song, perhaps?'
'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this way:
"Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle - " '
Here the Dormouse shook itself and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle, twin-
kle, twinkle, twinkle - ' and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it
stop.
'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 'when the Queen
jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his head!"
'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't do
a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.' A bright idea came into Alice's head.
'Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh, 'it's always tea-time and we've no
time to wash the things between whiles.'
'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
'Exactly so,' said the Hatter, 'as the things get used up.'
'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured
to ask.
'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning, 'I'm
getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal.
'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried, 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And they
pinched it on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. T wasn't asleep,' he said in a hoarse,
feeble voice, T heard every word you fellows were saying.'
'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be asleep again before
it's done.'
43
CHAPTER VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY
'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began in
a great hurry, 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie and Tillie; and they lived at
the bottom of a well - '
'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in ques-
tions of eating and drinking.
'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.
'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked, 'they'd have
been ill.'
'So they were,' said the Dormouse, 'very ill.'
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of living would
be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on, 'But why did they live at the
bottom of a well?'
'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't take more.'
'You mean you can't take less,' said the Hatter, 'it's very easy to take more
than nothing.'
'Nobody asked your opinion,' said Alice.
'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what to say to this; so she helped herself to some tea
and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question,
'Why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it and then said, 'It
was a treacle- well.'
'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the Hatter and
the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, 'If you can't
be civil, you'd better finish the story for yourself.'
'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly, T won't interrupt again. I dare
say there may be one.'
'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to go
on, And so these three little sisters - they were learning to draw, you know - '
'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
'Treacle,' said the Dormouse without considering at all this time.
T want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter, 'let's all move one place on.'
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him; the March Hare
moved into the Dormouse's place and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of
the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the
change; and Alice was a good deal worse off than before as the March Hare had
just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very cautiously,
'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle from?'
44
CHAPTER VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY
'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter, 'so I should think
you could draw treacle out of a treacle- well - eh, stupid?'
'But they were in the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to notice
this last remark.
'Of course they were', said the Dormouse, ' - well in.'
This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for some
time without interrupting it.
'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy, 'and they drew all manner of things -
everything that begins with an M - '
'Why with an M?' said Alice.
'Why not?' said the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time and was going off into a doze;
but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went
on, ' - that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory,
and muchness - you know you say things are "much of a muchness" - did you
ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'
'Really, now you ask me,' said
Alice, very much confused, T don't
think - '
'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the
Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was more
than Alice could bear; she got up
in great disgust, and walked off; the
Dormouse fell asleep instantly and
neither of the others took the least no-
tice of her going, though she looked
back once or twice, half hoping that
they would call after her; the last time
she saw them, they were trying to put
the Dormouse into the teapot.
At any rate I'll never go there again! ' said Alice as she picked her way through
the wood, 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right
into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought, 'But everything's curious today. I think
I may as well go in at once.' And in she went.
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table.
'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself and began by taking the
little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went
45
CHAPTER VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY
to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till
she was about a foot high; then she walked down the little passage; and then - she
found herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the
cool fountains.
Chapter VIII
The Queen's Croquet-Ground
A large rose-tree stood near the en-
trance of the garden; the roses grow-
ing on it were white, but there were
three gardeners at it, busily painting
them red. Alice thought this a very
curious thing, and she went nearer
to watch them, and just as she came
up to them she heard one of them
say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go
splashing paint over me like that!'
'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in
a sulky tone, 'Seven jogged my el-
bow.'
On which Seven looked up and
said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay
the blame on others!'
'You'd better not talk!' said Five,
T heard the Queen say only yesterday
you deserved to be beheaded!'
'What for?' said the one who had
spoken first.
'That's none of your business, Two!' said Seven.
'Yes, it is his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him
cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun, 'Well, of all the unjust
things - ' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them
and he checked himself suddenly; the others looked round also, and all of them
bowed low.
it was for bringing the
47
CHAPTER VIII. THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND
'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting those
roses?'
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice,
'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and
we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all
have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore
she comes, to - 'At this moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across
the garden, called out 'The Queen! The Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly
threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps and
Alice looked round eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three
gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners; next the ten
courtiers; these were ornamented all over with diamonds and walked two and two,
as the soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten of them
and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand in couples; they
were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens,
and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit; it was talking in a hurried
nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing
her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a crimson
velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came the King and Queen of
Hearts.
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like
the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule
at processions; 'and besides, what would be the use of a procession,' thought she,
'if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she
stood still where she was, and waited.
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at
her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' she said it to the Knave of Hearts,
who only bowed and smiled in reply.
'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to Alice,
she went on, 'What's your name, child?'
'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely; but she
added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after all. I needn't be afraid
of them!'
And who are theseT said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who
were lying round the rose-tree; for, you see, as they were lying on their faces
and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not
tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own
children.
'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage, 'It's no busi-
ness ofmme.'
48
CHAPTER VIII. THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND
The Queen turned crimson with
fury, and, after glaring at her for a mo-
ment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off
with her head! Off - '
'Nonsense!' said Alice, very
loudly and decidedly, and the Queen
was silent.
The King laid his hand upon her
arm and timidly said 'Consider, my
dear: she is only a child!'
The Queen turned angrily away
from him and said to the Knave 'Turn
them over!'
The Knave did so, very carefully,
with one foot.
'Get up!' said the Queen, in
a shrill, loud voice, and the three gar-
deners instantly jumped up and began
bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children and everybody else.
'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen, 'You make me giddy.' And then, turn-
ing to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What have you been doing here?'
'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going down on
one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying - '
T see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses, 'Off
with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining
behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.
'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot
that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking
for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.
Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted in reply.
'That's right!' shouted the Queen, 'Can you play croquet?'
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently
meant for her.
'Yes!' shouted Alice.
'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession wonder-
ing very much what would happen next.
'It's - it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was walking
by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
'Very,' said Alice, ' - where's the Duchess?'
49
CHAPTER VIII. THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND
'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked anxiously
over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth
close to her ear and whispered 'She's under sentence of execution.'
'What for?' said Alice.
'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
'No, I didn't,' said Alice, 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said "What for?" '
'She boxed the Queen's ears - ' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little scream
of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone, 'The Queen
will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the Queen said - '
'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people
began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other; however,
they got settled down in a minute or two and the game began. Alice thought
she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges
and furrows; the balls were live hedge-
hogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the
soldiers had to double themselves up and
to stand on their hands and feet, to make
the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at
first was in managing her flamingo; she
succeeded in getting its body tucked
away, comfortably enough, under her
arm, with its legs hanging down, but
generally, just as she had got its neck
nicely straightened out, and was going
to give the hedgehog a blow with its
head, it would twist itself round and look
up in her face, with such a puzzled ex-
pression that she could not help burst-
ing out laughing; and when she had got
its head down and was going to begin
again, it was very provoking to find that
the hedgehog had unrolled itself and was
in the act of crawling away; besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow
in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up
soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice
soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the
while and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was in
a furious passion and went stamping about and shouting 'Off with his head!' or
'Off with her head!' about once in a minute.
50
CHAPTER VIII. THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND
Alice began to feel very uneasy; to be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute
with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute, 'And then,' thought
she, 'what would become of me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people
here; the great wonder is, that there's any one left alive!'
She was looking about for some way of escape and wondering whether she
could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the
air; it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she
made it out to be a grin and she said to herself 'It's the Cheshire Cat; now I shall
have somebody to talk to.'
'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth enough
for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use speaking
to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one of them.' In another
minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her flamingo, and be-
gan an account of the game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her.
The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of
it appeared.
T don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a complaining
tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak - and they
don't seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends
to them - and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; for
instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other
end of the ground - and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now,
only it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
'Not at all,' said Alice, 'she's so extremely - ' Just then she noticed that the
Queen was close behind her, listening; so she went on, ' - likely to win, that it's
hardly worth while finishing the game.'
The Queen smiled and passed on.
'Who are you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice and looking at the
Cat's head with great curiosity.
'It's a friend of mine - a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice, 'allow me to introduce it.'
T don't like the look of it at all,' said the King, 'however, it may kiss my hand
if it likes.'
'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!' He got
behind Alice as he spoke.
A cat may look at a king,' said Alice, 'I've read that in some book, but I don't
remember where.'
51
CHAPTER VIII. THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND
'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly and he called the
Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would have this cat
removed!'
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. 'Off
with his head!' she said without even looking round.
'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly and he hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back and see how the game was going on,
as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with passion. She had
already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed
their turns and she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in such
confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not. So she went in
search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to
Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other; the only
difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden,
where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was
over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight; 'But it doesn't matter much,'
thought Alice, 'as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground.' So she
tucked it away under her arm, that
it might not escape again, and went
back for a little more conversation
with her friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire
Cat, she was surprised to find quite
a large crowd collected round it; there
was a dispute going on between the
executioner, the King and the Queen,
who were all talking at once, while all
the rest were quite silent, and looked
very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she
was appealed to by all three to settle
the question, and they repeated their
arguments to her, though, as they all
spoke at once, she found it very hard
indeed to make out exactly what they
said.
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless there
was a body to cut it off from; that he had never had to do such a thing before and
he wasn't going to begin at his time of life.
52
CHAPTER VIII. THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be beheaded
and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less than
no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last remark that
had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess; you'd
better ask her about it.'
'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner, 'fetch her here.' And the
executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the time
he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared; so the King and
the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the party
went back to the game.
Chapter IX
The Mock Turtle's Story
'You can't think how glad I am to see
you again, you dear old thing!' said
the Duchess, as she tucked her arm
affectionately into Alice's and they
walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in
such a pleasant temper and thought to
herself that perhaps it was only the
pepper that had made her so savage
when they met in the kitchen.
'When I'm a Duchess,' she said to
herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
though), 'I won't have any pepper
in my kitchen at all. Soup does
very well without - Maybe it's al-
ways pepper that makes people hot-
tempered,' she went on, very much
pleased at having found out a new
kind of rule, 'and vinegar that makes
them sour - and camomile that
makes them bitter - and - and barley-sugar and such things that make children
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy
about it, you know - '
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time and was a little startled when
she heard her voice close to her ear. 'You're thinking about something, my dear,
and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that
is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'
'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
54
CHAPTER IX. THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY
'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess, 'Everything's got a moral, if only you can
find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the Duchess was
very ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin
upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did
not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.
'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up the
conversation a little.
' 'Tis so,' said the Duchess, 'and the moral of that is - "Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love,
that makes the world go round!" '
'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody minding their
own business!'
Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her sharp
little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 'and the moral of that is - "Take
care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves." '
'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.
T dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,' the
Duchess said after a pause, 'the reason is, that I'm doubtful about the temper of
your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'
'He might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have the
experiment tried.
'Very true,' said the Duchess, 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the
moral of that is - "Birds of a feather flock together." '
'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess, 'what a clear way you have of putting
things!'
'It's a mineral, I think,' said Alice.
'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything
that Alice said, 'there's a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that
is - "The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours." '
'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark, 'it's
a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'
T quite agree with you,' said the Duchess, 'and the moral of that is - "Be what
you would seem to be" - or if you'd like it put more simply - "Never imagine
yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you
were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have
appeared to them to be otherwise." '
T think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if I had it
written down; but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'
'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied in a pleased
tone.
55
CHAPTER IX. THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY
'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said Alice.
'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess, 'I make you a present of
everything I've said as yet.'
'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice, 'I'm glad they don't give birthday
presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out loud.
'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked with another dig of her sharp little chin.
'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little
worried.
'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to fly; and the m - '
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even in the
middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the arm that was linked into hers began
to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her
arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the ground as
she spoke, 'either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time!
Take your choice!'
The Duchess took her choice and was gone in a moment.
'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too much
frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were resting
in the shade; however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game,
the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with the
other players and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' Those
whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had
to leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so there
were no arches left and all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice,
were in custody and under sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, 'Have you seen
the Mock Turtle yet?'
'No,' said Alice, T don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
T never saw one or heard of one,' said Alice.
'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his history,'
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice to the
company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, that's a good thing!' she said
to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the Queen
had ordered.
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. (if you
don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 'Up, lazy thing!' said
56
CHAPTER IX. THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY
the Queen, 'and take this young lady
to see the Mock Turtle and to hear his
history. I must go back and see after
some executions I have ordered'; and
she walked off, leaving Alice alone
with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite
like the look of the creature, but on the
whole she thought it would be quite as
safe to stay with it as to go after that
savage Queen; so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes; then it watched the Queen till she
was out of sight; then it chuckled. 'What fun!' said the Gryphon, half to itself,
half to Alice.
'What is the fun?' said Alice.
'Why, she,' said the Gryphon, 'It's all her fancy, that; they never executes
nobody, you know. Come on!'
'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly after it,
T never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting
sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could
hear him sighing as if his heart
would break. She pitied him deeply.
'What is his sorrow?' she asked the
Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered,
very nearly in the same words as be-
fore, 'It's all his fancy, that; he hasn't
got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
So they went up to the Mock Tur-
tle, who looked at them with large
eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
'This here young lady,' said the
Gryphon, 'she wants for to know your
history, she do.'
'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Tur-
tle in a deep, hollow tone, 'sit down,
both of you, and don't speak a word
till I've finished.'
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to her-
self, T don't see how he can even finish, if he doesn't begin.' But she waited
patiently.
'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, T was a real Turtle.'
57
CHAPTER IX. THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an occa-
sional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon and the constant heavy sob-
bing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and saying, 'Thank
you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there must be
more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.
'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though
still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the sea. The master was
an old Turtle - we used to call him Tortoise - '
'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle angrily,
'really you are very dull!'
'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,'
added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who
felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle,
'Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:
'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it - '
T never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again. The
Mock Turtle went on.
'We had the best of educations - in fact, we went to school every day - '
'I've been to a day-school, too,' said Alice, 'you needn't be so proud as all
that.'
'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music'
And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in a tone
of great relief, 'Now at ours they had at the end of the bill, "French, music, and
washing - extra." '
'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice, 'living at the bottom of the
sea.'
T couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh, T only took
the regular course.'
'What was that?' inquired Alice.
'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied, 'and
then the different branches of Arithmetic - Ambition, Distraction, Uglification,
and Derision.'
I never heard of "Uglification," ' Alice ventured to say, 'What is it?'
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never heard of ugli-
fying!' it exclaimed, 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'
58
CHAPTER IX. THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY
'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully, 'it means - to - make - anything - prettier.'
'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify is, you
are a simpleton.'
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she turned
to the Mock Turtle and said, 'What else had you to learn?'
'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects
on his flappers, ' - Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography; then Drawl-
ing - the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week;
he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'
'What was that like?' said Alice.
'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said, 'I'm too stiff. And
the Gryphon never learnt it.'
'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon, T went to the Classics master, though. He
was an old crab, he was.'
T never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh, 'he taught Laughing
and Grief, they used to say.'
'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both creatures
hid their faces in their paws.
And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice in a hurry to
change the subject.
'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle, 'nine the next, and so on.'
'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked, 'because
they lessen from day to day.'
This was quite a new idea to Alice and she thought it over a little before she
made her next remark, 'Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday?'
'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided tone,
'tell her something about the games now.'
Chapter X
The Lobster Quadrille
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across his eyes.
He looked at Alice and tried to speak, but for a minute or two sobs choked his
voice. 'Same as if he had a bone in his throat,' said the Gryphon; and it set to work
shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his
voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on again:
'You may not have lived much under the sea - ' (T haven't,' said Alice) - 'and
perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster - ' (Alice began to say T once
tasted - ' but checked herself hastily, and said 'No, never') ' - so you can have no
idea what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is!'
'No, indeed,' said Alice, 'What sort of a dance is it?'
'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the sea-shore - '
'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle, 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then,
when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way - '
'That generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
' - you advance twice - '
'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said, 'advance twice, set to partners - '
' - change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon.
'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the - '
'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
' - as far out to sea as you can - '
'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly about.
'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
'Back to land again and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock Turtle, sud-
denly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been jumping about like
mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly and quietly and looked at Alice.
'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
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CHAPTER X. THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE
'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
'Very much indeed,' said Alice.
'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon, 'We
can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?'
'Oh, you sing,' said the Gryphon, 'I've forgotten the words.'
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then
treading on her toes when they passed too close and waving their forepaws to
mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and sadly:
' "Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
"There 's a porpoise close behind us and he 's treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle - will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance -
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
' "What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
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CHAPTER X. THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE
The further off from England the nearer is to France -
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won 't you, will you, won 't you, won 't you join the dance ?" '
'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice, feeling very
glad that it was over at last, 'and I do so like that curious song about the whiting!'
'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they - you've seen them, of
course?'
'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn - ' she checked herself hastily.
T don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you've seen
them so often, of course you know what they're like.'
T believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully, 'They have their tails in their mouths -
and they're all over crumbs.'
'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle, 'crumbs would all
wash off in the sea. But they have their tails in their mouths; and the reason is - '
here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. 'Tell her about the reason and all
that,' he said to the Gryphon.
'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they would go with the lobsters to the
dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got
their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.'
'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew so much about
a whiting before.'
T can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon, 'Do you know
why it's called a whiting?'
T never thought about it,' said Alice, 'Why?'
'It does the boots and shoes' the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated in
a wondering tone.
'Why, what are your shoes done with?' said the Gryphon, T mean, what
makes them so shiny?'
Alice looked down at them and considered a little before she gave her answer.
'They're done with blacking, I believe.'
'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, 'are
done with a whiting. Now you know.'
And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently, 'any shrimp
could have told you that.'
'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running on
the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we don't want you
with us!'"
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CHAPTER X. THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE
'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said, 'no wise
fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle, 'why, if a fish came to me and told me
he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?" '
'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
T mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And the
Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of your adventures.'
T could tell you my adventures - beginning from this morning,' said Alice
a little timidly, 'but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different
person then.'
'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone, 'expla-
nations take such a dreadful time.'
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first saw
the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first, the two creatures
got so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so very
wide, but she gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet
till she got to the part about her repeating 'You Are Old, Father William,'
to the Caterpillar and the words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle
drew a long breath, and said 'That's very curious.'
'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully, T should like
to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the
Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.
'Stand up and repeat "'Tis The Voice Of The Sluggard,"' said the
Gryphon.
'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!' thought
Alice, 'I might as well be at school at once.' However, she got up, and began to
repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew
what she was saying and the words came very queer indeed:
' 'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.
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CHAPTER X. THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE
'That's different from what I used to say when
I was a child,' said the Gryphon.
'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock
Turtle, 'but it sounds uncommon nonsense.'
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her
face in her hands, wondering if anything would
ever happen in a natural way again.
T should like to have it explained,' said the
Mock Turtle.
'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon
hastily, 'Go on with the next verse.'
'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle per-
sisted, 'How could he turn them out with his nose,
you know?'
'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said;
but was dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing,
and longed to change the subject.
'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently, 'it begins
"I Passed By His Garden." '
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come wrong,
and she went on in a trembling voice:
'I passed by his garden and marked, with one eye,
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie - '
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon;
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
And concluded the banquet -
'What is the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle interrupted, 'if you
don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most confusing thing I ever heard!'
'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon; and Alice was only too
glad to do so.
'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went on,
'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'
'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice replied, so
eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, 'Hm! No accounting for
tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old fellow?'
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CHAPTER X. THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply and began, in a voice sometimes choked with
sobs, to sing this:
'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Soo - oop of thee -e- evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Soo - oop of thee -e- evening,
Beautiful, beauti - ful Soup/'
'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun to
repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' was heard in the distance.
'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried off,
without waiting for the end of the song.
'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only answered
'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly came, carried on the
breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:
'Soo - oop ofthee-e- evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
Chapter XI
Who Stole the Tarts?
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated
on their throne when they arrived, with
a great crowd assembled about them - all
sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the
whole pack of cards; the Knave was stand-
ing before them, in chains, with a soldier on
each side to guard him; and near the King
was the White Rabbit with a trumpet in one
hand and a scroll of parchment in the other.
In the very middle of the court was a ta-
ble, with a large dish of tarts upon it; they
looked so good, that it made Alice quite
hungry to look at them - T wish they'd get
the trial done,' she thought, 'and hand round
the refreshments!' But there seemed to be
no chance of this, so she began looking at
everything about her to pass away the time.
Alice had never been in a court of justice
before, but she had read about them in books and she was quite pleased to find
that she knew the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' she said to
herself, 'because of his great wig.'
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig,
(look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all
comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,' (she was
obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were animals and some
were birds,) T suppose they are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three
times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that
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CHAPTER XL WHO STOLE THE TARTS?
very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men'
would have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they do-
ing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put down
yet, before the trial's begun.'
'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for fear
they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily,
for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the King put on his
spectacles and looked anxiously round to make out who was talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the
jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates, and she could even make
out that one of them didn't know how to spell 'stupid,' and that he had to ask his
neighbour to tell him. A nice muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!'
thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice could not
stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an
opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was
Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting
all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and
this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled
the parchment scroll and read as follows:
'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day;
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!'
'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted, 'There's a great deal to come
before that!'
'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts
on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!'
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and
a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. T beg pardon, your Majesty,' he began,
'for bringing these in; but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'
'You ought to have finished,' said the King, 'When did you begin?'
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court,
arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it was,' he said.
'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
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CHAPTER XL WHO STOLE THE TARTS?
'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
'Write that down,' the King said
to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote
down all three dates on their slates
and then added them up and reduced
the answer to shillings and pence.
'Take off your hat,' the King said
to the Hatter.
'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
'Stolen!' the King exclaimed,
turning to the jury, who instantly
made a memorandum of the fact.
T keep them to sell,' the Hatter
added as an explanation; 'I've none of
my own. I'm a hatter.'
Here the Queen put on her spec-
tacles and began staring at the Hatter,
who turned pale and fidgeted.
'Give your evidence,' said the
King, 'and don't be nervous, or I'll
have you executed on the spot.'
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from one
foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large
piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her
a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger
again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second
thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her.
T wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to
her, T can hardly breathe.'
T can't help it,' said Alice very meekly, 'I'm growing.'
'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly, 'you know you're growing too.'
'Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse, 'not in that ridicu-
lous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the
court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the
Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, 'Bring me
the list of the singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter trembled
so, that he shook both his shoes off.
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CHAPTER XL WHO STOLE THE TARTS?
'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have you executed,
whether you're nervous or not.'
'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, ' - and
I hadn't begun my tea - not above a week or so - and what with the bread-and-
butter getting so thin - and the twinkling of the tea - '
'The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
'Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you take me
for a dunce? Go on!'
'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things twinkled after that -
only the March Hare said - '
T didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
'You did!' said the Hatter.
T deny it!' said the March Hare.
'He denies it,' said the King, 'leave out that part.'
'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said - ' the Hatter went on, looking anxiously
round to see if he would deny it too; but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast
asleep.
'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread-and-butter - '
'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
'You must remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.'
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down
on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.
'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the
officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how
it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings;
into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice, 'I've so often read in the news-
papers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts at applause, which was
immediately suppressed by the officers of the court," and I never understood what
it meant till now.'
'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the King.
T can't go no lower,' said the Hatter, 'I'm on the floor, as it is.'
'Then you may sit down,' the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered and was suppressed.
'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice, 'Now we shall get on
better.'
'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen,
who was reading the list of singers.
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CHAPTER XL WHO STOLE THE TARTS?
'You may go,' said the King,
and the Hatter hurriedly left the
court without even waiting to put his
shoes on.
' - and just take his head off out-
side,' the Queen added to one of the
officers; but the Hatter was out of
sight before the officer could get to
the door.
'Call the next witness!' said the
King.
The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her
hand and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way
the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
'Give your evidence,' said the King.
'Shan't,' said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, 'Your
Majesty must cross-examine this witness.'
'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and, after folding
his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in
a deep voice, 'What are tarts made of?'
'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out, 'Behead that Dormouse! Turn
that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!'
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.
'Never mind! ' said the King, with an air of great relief. 'Call the next witness.'
And he added in an undertone to the Queen, 'Really, my dear, you must cross-
examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!'
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very cu-
rious to see what the next witness would be like, ' - for they haven't got much
evidence yes,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit
read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name Alice!'
Chapter XII
Alice's Evidence
'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting
in the flurry of the moment how large
she had grown in the last few minutes,
and she jumped up in such a hurry that
she tipped over the jury-box with the
edge of her skirt, upsetting all the ju-
rymen on to the heads of the crowd
below, and there they lay sprawling
about, reminding her very much of
a globe of goldfish she had acciden-
tally upset the week before.
'Oh, I beg your pardon!' she ex-
claimed in a tone of great dismay
and began picking them up again as
quickly as she could, for the accident
of the goldfish kept running in her
head and she had a vague sort of idea
that they must be collected at once
and put back into the jury-box or they would die.
'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until all the
jurymen are back in their proper places - all,' he repeated with great emphasis,
looking hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box and saw that, in her haste, she had put the Lizard
in head downwards and the poor little thing was waving its tail about in a melan-
choly way, being quite unable to move. She soon got it out again and put it right;
'not that it signifies much,' she said to herself, T should think it would be quite as
much use in the trial one way up as the other.'
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CHAPTER XII. ALICE'S EVIDENCE
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the
shock of being upset and their slates and pencils had
been found and handed back to them, they set to work
very diligently to write out a history of the accident, all
except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to
do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into
the roof of the court.
'What do you know about this business?' the King
said to Alice.
'Nothing,' said Alice.
'Nothing whatever!' persisted the King.
'Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
'That's very important,' the King
said, turning to the jury. They were
just beginning to write this down
on their slates when the White Rab-
bit interrupted, ' Unimportant, your
Majesty means, of course,' he said in
a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
'Unimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on to him-
self in an undertone, 'important - unimportant - unimportant - important - ' as
if he were trying which word sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.' Alice
could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; 'but it doesn't
matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in his
note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule Forty-two.
All persons more than a mile high to leave the court.'
Everybody looked at Alice.
'I'm not a mile high,' said Alice.
'You are,' said the King.
'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice, 'besides, that's not a regular rule:
you invented it just now.'
'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 'Consider your verdict,'
he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White
Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry, 'this paper has just been picked up.'
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CHAPTER XII. ALICE'S EVIDENCE
'What's in it?' said the Queen.
'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it seems to be a letter,
written by the prisoner to - to somebody.'
'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was written to nobody, which
isn't usual, you know.'
'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit, 'in fact, there's nothing written
on the outside.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added 'It isn't a letter,
after all: it's a set of verses.'
'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of the jurymen.
'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing about
it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury all
brightened up again.)
'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, T didn't write it and they can't prove
I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the matter worse. You
must have meant some mischief or else you'd have signed your name like an
honest man.'
There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really clever
thing the King had said that day.
'That proves his guilt,' said the Queen.
'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice, 'Why, you don't even know what
they're about!'
'Read them,' said the King.
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please your
Majesty?' he asked.
'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the
end; then stop.'
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:
'They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him;
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true);
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
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CHAPTER XII. ALICE'S EVIDENCE
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.
If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.
My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him and ourselves and it.
Don't let him know she liked them best,
For this must ever be
A secret kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.'
'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the King,
rubbing his hands, 'so now let the jury - '
'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had grown so large in the
last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting him,) 'I'll give him
sixpence. I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'
The jury all wrote down on their slates, 'She doesn't believe there's an atom
of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a world of trouble, you
know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading
out the verses on his knee and looking at them with one eye; T seem to see some
meaning in them, after all. - "Said I could not swim" - you can't swim, can you?'
he added, turning to the Knave.
The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. (Which he
certainly did not, being made entirely of cardboard.)
All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering over the verses to
himself, ' "We know it to be true" - that's the jury, of course - "7 gave her one,
they gave him two" - why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know - '
'But, it goes on "They all returned from him to you," ' said Alice.
'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts on
the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again - "Before she had this
tit" - you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the Queen.
'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard as she
spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his slate with one finger,
as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that
was trickling down his face as long as it lasted.)
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CHAPTER XII. ALICE'S EVIDENCE
'Then the words don't fit you,' said the King looking round the court with
a smile. There was a dead silence.
'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone and everybody laughed, 'Let
the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the twentieth time that
day.
'No, no!' said the Queen, 'Sentence first - verdict afterwards.'
'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly, 'The idea of having the sentence first!'
'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen turning purple.
T won't!' said Alice.
'Off with her head!' the Queen
shouted at the top of her voice. No-
body moved.
'Who cares for you?' said Alice
(she had grown to her full size by this
time). 'You're nothing but a pack of
cards!'
At this the whole pack rose up into
the air and came flying down upon
her; she gave a little scream, half of
fright and half of anger, and tried to
beat them off, and found herself lying
on the bank with her head in the lap
of her sister, who was gently brush-
ing away some dead leaves that had
fluttered down from the trees upon her
face.
'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her
sister, 'Why, what a long sleep you've had!'
'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice and she told her sister, as well
as she could remember them, all these strange adventures of hers that you have
just been reading about; and when she had finished, her sister kissed her and said,
'It was a curious dream, dear, certainly; but now run in to your tea; it's getting
late.' So Alice got up and ran off thinking while she ran, as well she might, what
a wonderful dream it had been.
But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her hand, watch-
ing the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her wonderful adventures
till she too began dreaming after a fashion and this was her dream:
First, she dreamed of little Alice herself and once again the tiny hands were
clasped upon her knee and the bright eager eyes were looking up into hers - she
could hear the very tones of her voice and see that queer little toss of her head to
keep back the wandering hair that would always get into her eyes - and still as she
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CHAPTER XII. ALICE'S EVIDENCE
listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive the strange
creatures of her little sister's dream.
The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by - the fright-
ened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool - she could hear the
rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending
meal and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests to exe-
cution - once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess's knee while plates
and dishes crashed around it - once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking
of the Lizard's slate-pencil and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, filled
the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock Turtle.
So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in Wonderland,
though she knew she had but to open them again and all would change to dull
reality - the grass would be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the
waving of the reeds - the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells
and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd boy - and the sneeze of
the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change
(she knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard - while the lowing of
the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's heavy sobs.
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the
after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her
riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood; and how she would
gather about her other little children and make their eyes bright and eager with
many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago; and
how she would feel with all their simple sorrows and find a pleasure in all their
simple joys remembering her own child-life and the happy summer days.
The End
