Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. Well, in Nigeria, sometimes that eye must have been covered by a welding mask if they end up validating some fashion choices that defy all logic and reason.
In the vibrant streets of Nigeria, where culture and style intertwine, you’ll witness a plethora of fashion choices that range from the stunningly beautiful to the head-scratchingly bizarre. Let’s dive into the latter category, celebrating (and chuckling at) some of the most hilarious, ugly fashion statements proudly paraded by some Nigerian women.
1. Brand Knock-offs
Why wear “GUCCI” when you can settle for “BUCCI” his cousin? After all, it’s cheaper. The logo might be a bit off, the spelling a tad creative, but the swagger is unmistakably on point.
Nigerian streets are filled with ladies flaunting knockoffs with pride. You can’t help but admire the confidence it takes to rock a knock-off boldly. Wearing “BUCCI” is not just a fashion statement; it’s a declaration of independence from authenticity.
2. Rubber Band as a Hair Tie
Cute scarves, hair clips, elegant hairpins—all at your service, but you chose to use the rubber band they used to tie the stockfish you bought at the market.
The humble rubber band has been promoted from an office desk essential to a fashion accessory, leaving one to wonder if the next trend will be using paper clips instead of earrings.
Rubber bands do a fantastic job of yanking chunks off your hair. I prefer black cotton bands because they are easy on my hair and hopefully hard to spot by the public whenever I have a bad hair day. So that’s a tip for you.
Read here: 4 Solid Tips To Stay Fashionable During An Economic Downturn
3. Cheap and Non-Discreet Tattoos
I have nothing against tats. I admire the nicely done ones. But a tattoo that looks like a tragic accident? No. These cheap tattoos, often inked with questionable skill, make your skin look like it’s recovering from a serious injury.
And let’s not forget the religious ones, where their Jesus’ tattoo resemble a cross between a good shepherd and someone who can never forgive your sins.
It’s like wearing your bad decisions on your sleeve—literally.
4. Gladiator Sandals (a.k.a Chioma of Galilee)
Behold the Gladiator Sandals, affectionately known as “Chioma of Galilee.” These sandals promise to transport you straight to ancient Rome and back to Nigeria.
Perfect for:
- Impromptu Warrior Training
- Battling lions in the coliseum
- Gardening Gear – Wear them to stomp on stubborn grass or to show your dominance over unruly plants in your garden.
They are the ultimate in historical fashion statements. The strappy designs ensure that every step you take leaves an imprint not just on the sand but in the minds of everyone you pass.
They’re sturdy, practical, and fabulously out of place in any modern setting.
5. Extended/Bushy Fake Eyelashes
Fake eyelashes have their place (especially for ceremonies). I wear them, so I have nothing against them. But it comes off as trashy when it looks bushy, too long, or not placed neatly.
There are even those that are not a perfect fit. It’s almost as if these kinds of lashes come in singles and are divided into two to manage for both eyes.
As much as I avoid using stereotypes, I can’t help but notice the girls who wear them the most are street girls and some female fuel attendants at filling stations. It’s a wonder how they manage to keep their eyes open, let alone see through the forest of faux lashes.
These lashes are less about enhancing beauty and more about creating a perpetual state of surprise and exhaustion. Each blink sends a gust of wind, signalling their presence before you even speak.
6. Hair Bonnet (The Glorified Shower Cap)
The hair bonnet, often mistaken for a shower cap by some men, is a staple in the Nigerian woman’s wardrobe. It’s like a warm hug for your head, ensuring your hair stays in place while you sleep – brave the public eye. So, whether you’re going to the bank, attending lectures, or shopping, this glorified shower cap has got you covered, literally.
It’s the go-to headgear for those who believe that hair protection trumps all fashion norms.
7. Flip Flops
Flip flops – the universal symbol of “I give up.” Perfect for any occasion where effort is not required, flip-flops are the go-to footwear for women who value comfort over fashion.
They can pair it with a casual outfit or, if given the chance, a cocktail dress. They just have to see Rihanna doing it first.
In Nigeria’s relentless heat, flip-flops aren’t just a footwear option but a survival tool. Worn by women who’ve decided fashion is a battle best left unfought, this footwear slaps against the ground with a rhythm that says, “I’m not trying to impress anyone, especially not you.”
8. The Wig Parade
Wigs can be fabulous accessories, transforming a look with ease. However, in Nigeria, there’s a special category of wigs that defy convention…and gravity.
These types of wigs appear to have been snatched straight from a scarecrow’s head, then styled with a Binatone kitchen blender. These are wigs that defy logic too and sometimes taste, yet they are proudly worn by women who possess an unshakable confidence in their hair choices.
Bonus points are awarded to those who wear these wigs and use rubber bands to tie them and flaunt them as though challenging anyone to question their bold fashion statement.
9. Too Snatched
Finally, we have the too-tight waist trainer, the modern-day corset that promises an hourglass figure but delivers a breathless existence. On occasions, these women look like they’re holding their breath in a perpetual state of anticipation.
The struggle to inhale is real, but the commitment to an unrealistic body shape is even more impressive. It’s fashion with a side of medieval torture, where beauty comes at the cost of basic respiratory function. Watching someone in a too-tight waist trainer is like watching a suspense thriller, always on edge for the moment they might actually take a full breath.
Fashion is your playground, why not play to win? We’ve all had our moments of faux pas, but we can do better and make heads turn for the right reasons.
So here’s the challenge: ditch the rubber bands as a hair tie and embrace accessories that are chic. Swap out those too-snatched waist trainers for pieces that let you breathe easy while still slaying. And those wig choices? Let’s opt for the ones that are neat and less stiff.
Also read 10 Things Every Nigerian man should take out of his closet and burn
