Rethinking Discipline: A New Approach To Classroom Management

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The age-old saying “spare the rod, spoil the child” has been a cornerstone of discipline for generations.

Our grandparents and their grandparents likely adhered to this philosophy, believing it to be an effective way to teach children right from wrong. However, in today’s Nigeria, where societal norms and our understanding of child development have evolved, it’s time to reassess this approach.

With advances in psychology and neuroscience, we now have a better understanding of how children develop and how their brains work. We also recognize that children have rights, just like adults, and that these rights should be respected. Given these changes, it’s essential that we have an open and honest conversation about how we discipline our children.

This conversation should focus on finding alternative methods that are kinder, smarter, and more effective in helping children grow into responsible and well-adjusted adults.

The truth is, hitting children is not the answer. In fact, research has shown that physical punishment can cause more harm than good. It’s time for us to explore alternative discipline methods that prioritize empathy, understanding, and positive reinforcement. By doing so, we can create a more supportive and nurturing environment that allows our children to thrive.

When Hitting Hurts: More Than Just Bruises

When we hit kids, it leaves lasting scars that go beyond the physical. The bruises, welts, and even broken bones can have long-term effects, especially in Nigeria where accessing quality healthcare can be challenging.

A child who suffers physical injuries from being hit may be unable to participate in sports or focus in class due to chronic pain. This is unacceptable and can have a lasting impact on their well-being.

However, the emotional scars are even more concerning. Children who are hit regularly often develop anxiety, fear, and even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They begin to feel worthless, like they’re always doing something wrong, which is heartbreaking.

This cycle of violence can continue as they learn that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems. They may even become violent themselves, and the trust between parent and child is broken. Children become too scared to open up about their problems or ask for help.

The consequences of hitting children don’t stop there. Research shows that kids who are hit frequently are more likely to get into trouble, struggle in school, and have difficulty making friends. As they grow older, they may turn to drugs or experience depression. The atmosphere of fear created by physical punishment can stifle a child’s ability to be themselves, ask questions, try new things, or seek help when needed. They’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of making a mistake.

Brains and Bruises: It’s Not Just About Behavior

Here’s the thing – hitting kids actually negatively affects their brains. All that stress and trauma can mess up the parts of their brains that handle emotions, memory, and making good choices.

They might have trouble focusing in class, remembering what they’ve learned, and just dealing with their feelings in a healthy way. It’s a real problem, and it can have long-lasting effects on their development.

Not every child can handle violence and still remain sane. Emotional trauma builds up and accumulates with time, the consequences are extremely grave.

Nigeria, Our Way Of Discipline: Culture and Reality

We know, we know – culture and tradition play a big role here. And let’s face it, life can be hard. Poverty, inequality, and not having access to good schools can make things worse.

Plus, with all our different religions, there are different ways of looking at things. But here’s the kicker: positive discipline actually lines up with a lot of the good stuff in our cultures – respect, kindness, and helping each other. It’s about teaching our kids values, not just forcing them to obey.

Let’s Talk Alternatives: Positive Discipline

Instead of hitting, let’s try something different. Positive discipline is all about guiding and nurturing kids, not just punishing them. It’s about respect, empathy, and being consistent.

It teaches kids to be responsible, solve problems, and handle their feelings in a constructive way. It’s about building them up, not tearing them down.

Some of the alternatives or non-violent punishments include:

1. PBIS (Positive Behavioural Interventions Supports): First off, we’ve got PBIS, which stands for Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports. Think of it as a way to create a really positive vibe in schools. It’s all about setting clear expectations, teaching kids how to behave well, and, get this, rewarding them when they do! It’s like, “Hey, you’re doing great!” instead of just “You messed up!” Schools can do things like student of the week, or token systems, where kids get rewarded for good behavior, like completing their homework on time or being kind to their classmates.
2. Restorative Practices: These help kids fix their mistakes and make things right. If two kids have a fight, instead of just punishing them, they sit down, talk it out, and figure out how to make up for what happened. It’s about building relationships and understanding each other, teaching them empathy and responsibility.
3. Detention, Community Service & Privileges: We can also use things like detention, community service, and taking away privileges – but in a way that teaches them something. For example, if a child litters, they might have to clean up the schoolyard.
4. Social-Emotional Learning (SEL): Teaches kids to understand their feelings and get along with others. Imagine lessons where kids act out scenarios of conflict resolution, or learn to calm down with mindfulness exercises, like deep breathing or visualization. It’s pretty powerful stuff, and it gives them tools they can use for the rest of their lives.
5. Talking It Out — Conflict Resolution and Peer Mediation: Let’s teach kids to talk things out instead of fighting. Peer mediation is awesome – kids helping other kids solve problems. And we need to be trauma-informed, especially for kids who’ve been through tough stuff. It’s like, you know, being extra gentle and understanding when they’re acting out, because they might be dealing with a lot of pain or fear.
6. Our Culture, Our Way — Making It Work for Us: We need to make discipline fit our cultures. Work with community leaders, elders, and religious leaders. And let’s get parents, teachers, and everyone on board. Think of using our local proverbs or stories to teach kids good behaviour. It’s about making it relatable, showing them how these principles are already part of our heritage.

CHALLENGES AND SOLUTIONS TO SPARING THE CHILD AND SPOILING THE ROD

Yeah, it’s not going to be a walk in the park. We’ll face resistance, money problems, and a lack of awareness. But we can do this. Let’s talk to communities, help families, and get the word out.

We can even use radio programs, or local dramas, to explain positive discipline in a way everyone gets, using familiar stories and characters.

• Stories of Hope: There are schools and families doing this already. Let’s share their stories and show people it can be done. And let’s get the laws changed to protect our kids. We need to show that positive discipline isn’t just a nice idea, it’s actually working, and it’s making a real difference in kids’ lives.
• The Legal and Policy Framework: It’s really important to look at the laws and policies we have about hitting kids. We need to push for changes that say no to hitting and yes to positive discipline. It’s about making sure our kids are safe and supported, and that they have the same rights as everyone else.
• A Better Future: If we change the way we discipline, we can change everything. Kids will be happier, healthier, and more successful. They’ll grow up to be responsible, compassionate adults, who contribute to their communities. It’s about believing in them, investing in their potential, and giving them the tools they need to shine, not just for themselves, but for Nigeria as a whole.
• Empathy and Understanding: Instead of just reacting to a fault always, let’s try to understand why kids do what they do. Maybe they’re struggling at home, or having trouble learning, or dealing with bullying. Let’s not just hear them talk, let’s listen, really listen, and help them figure things out. It’s about being their support system, and help them create their own positive safe spaces.
• Talking and Listening: Communication is key. Let’s talk to our kids, not at them. And let’s really listen. Show them we care. Ask them open-ended questions, like “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think we can do to solve this problem?” It starts a real conversation, and it builds trust.
• Setting Boundaries: Kids need to know what’s expected. But let’s set boundaries in a kind, supportive way. Instead of just saying “No,” explain why, at least they have a right to know. They might even learn life lessons too. You can respond in this manner, “We walk inside because it’s safer for everyone.” It makes more sense that way, right? And it teaches them the reason behind the rule while protecting their privacy too.
• Praise and Encouragement: Let’s focus on the good stuff. Praise their efforts, even the small ones. “I saw you really tried on that math problem, I’m proud of you!” or “You were so kind to your little sister today, that was wonderful.” It builds their confidence, their self-esteem, and makes them want to keep trying.
• Addressing Challenging Behaviors with Compassion: When kids mess up, let’s respond with kindness and understanding. Help them learn from their mistakes. “It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes. Let’s talk about how we can do it differently next time,” or “I understand you’re upset, but hitting isn’t the answer. Let’s find a better way to express your feelings.” It teaches them that mistakes are also opportunities for growth, not just reasons for punishment alone. Make it clear that anyone can make mistakes, but repeated mistakes cannot be tolerated, reminding them that even the law give certain privileges to ‘first-time-offenders,’ not a serial-offender.
• Building Resilience and Self-Regulation: Let’s teach kids to handle tough times and control their emotions. Teach them breathing exercises, or how to take a time-out when they’re feeling overwhelmed. “When you feel angry, try taking a few deep breaths, or count slowly from 1 to 100, or go to your room for a few minutes to calm down.” It gives them tools they can use to manage their emotions and bounce back from adversity.
• The Importance of Parental Self-Care: Parenting is hard, especially here. Take care of yourselves. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Get some rest, find support, take a break. Join a support group, talk to a trusted friend, or find a hobby that helps you relax. When you’re feeling good, you’re better equipped to handle the challenges of parenting.
• Creating a Community of Support: Let’s build a support system for families. Churches, mosques, community centers, let’s all work together. Organize workshops, share resources, and create a network where parents can support each other. It takes a village to raise a child, and we need to strengthen our village.

THE LEGAL AND ETHICAL IMPERATIVE

It’s our duty to protect our kids. It’s in our laws, and it’s just the right thing to do. We need to advocate for policies that protect children from violence and promote their well-being. It’s about creating a society where every child feels safe and valued.

1. A Call to Action: It won’t be easy, but it’s worth it. Let’s start the conversation. Let’s make the change. Organize community meetings, start online discussions, and share information about positive discipline. Every voice matters, and every action counts.
2. The Ripple Effect: We’re not just raising kids; we’re shaping the future. Let’s make it a good one, a future where every child feels safe, loved, and supported. A future where they grow up to be responsible, compassionate, and successful citizens.

ADDRESSING RESISTANCE TO POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

Although, some people still think hitting kids is the only way to teach them a lesson. They’ll say things like, “It didn’t hurt me when I was a child,” “I didn’t die from flogging,” or “They need to learn respect.”

But here’s the thing: times have changed, and we know better now. We know that hitting kids actually makes them more aggressive, not less. And it definitely doesn’t teach them respect. It teaches them fear.

So, let’s have an honest conversation about these myths and misconceptions, and let’s share the facts about positive discipline.

1. Practical Implementation in Resource-Constrained Settings: Okay, I get it. Not everyone has access to fancy resources. But that doesn’t mean we can’t implement positive discipline. We can use peer support, where older kids help younger kids. We can involve elders and community leaders, who have a wealth of wisdom and experience. We can use natural consequences, like having a child clean up a mess they made. And we can use storytelling and role-playing to teach social skills and conflict resolution. It’s about being creative and resourceful.
2. Teacher Training and Support: As administrators, stakeholders and policy makers we should recognize and empower teachers as the key managers of behaviours with the right tools for behavioural modifications. Teachers are on the front lines, and they need our support. Let’s provide them with comprehensive training in positive discipline techniques. Let’s teach them how to communicate effectively with students, how to create a positive classroom environment, and how to manage challenging behaviors without resorting to physical punishment. And let’s create ongoing mentorship and peer learning groups, where teachers can share best practices and support each other.
3. Data and Evidence: Don’t just take my word for it. There’s a lot of data out there that shows the harmful effects of corporal punishment and the benefits of positive discipline. Let’s share statistics from UNICEF and the WHO, and let’s highlight Nigerian-based research that demonstrates the effectiveness of positive discipline interventions. Let’s show people that this isn’t just a feel-good idea, it’s backed by science.
4. The Role of Media: Media can be a powerful tool for change. Let’s work with media outlets to highlight success stories of schools and families using positive approaches. Let’s challenge harmful stereotypes and misconceptions about child discipline. And let’s provide educational content on positive parenting and teaching strategies. Let’s use media to create a positive narrative around child discipline.
5. Specific Examples of Cultural Adaptations: We need to make positive discipline culturally relevant. In communities where respect for elders is paramount, let’s emphasize the importance of listening to and learning from elders. In communities with strong religious traditions, let’s work with religious leaders to interpret religious texts in a way that supports positive discipline. Let’s also use proverbs and local stories to teach children about good behavior. It’s about making it relatable and meaningful them.
6. Addressing Religious Interpretations: Many religious texts emphasize compassion, forgiveness, and the importance of teaching children with love and understanding. Let’s work with religious leaders to promote interpretations that support positive discipline. Let’s show people how their faith can be a source of guidance and support for positive parenting. It’s about finding common ground and working together to create a better future for our children.

Conclusion: A Legacy of Love and Growth

Discipline isn’t about some fancy new trend or some foreign idea. This is about our children, our future. It’s about breaking cycles of violence and fear, and building a legacy of love, respect, and understanding.

It’s about recognising that our children are not just miniature adults; they are individuals with their own unique needs, feelings, and potential.

We’re not saying it’s going to be easy. Change rarely is. But think about the alternative. Think about the generations of children who have suffered from physical and emotional abuse, who have grown up believing that violence is the answer. We can do better. We must do better.

Positive discipline isn’t about being soft, permissive or tolerant to misbehaviour. It’s about being strong, being wise, and being compassionate. It’s about having the courage to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs and to embrace a more humane and effective approach to child-rearing. It’s about investing in our children’s future, not just punishing their mistakes.

Imagine a Nigeria where every child feels safe, loved, and valued. Picture schools where students are excited to learn, where teachers are empowered to support their students’ growth, and where parents are confident in their ability to nurture their children’s potential. Think of communities where children are respected and where their voices are heard.

This is the Nigeria we can build, one child at a time, one family at a time, one community at a time. It starts with us, with our willingness to change, to learn, and to grow.

Let’s choose love over fear, guidance over punishment, and understanding over judgment. Let’s choose positive discipline, not just for our children, but for ourselves, for our communities, and for the future of our nation.

When we invest in our children, we invest in Nigeria’s future. And that’s an investment that will pay dividends for generations to come.

More Here:https://geeky.com.ng/2022/08/20/parents-corner-why-you-should-not-insult-your-children/